Castle's the loony launch pad
11:21am Wed Jun 04, 2014
 
Newark Castle would be given a futuristic twist by the Official Monster Raving Loony Party if it won the by-election.
(LtoR) Monster Raving Loony Party leader Howling Laud Hope, Nick the Flying Brick and shadow minister for non-committed manicfesto commitments, RU Seerius
(LtoR) Monster Raving Loony Party leader Howling Laud Hope, Nick the Flying Brick and shadow minister for non-committed manicfesto commitments, RU Seerius
Candidate Nick ‘the Flying Brick’ Delves, who is also the party’s shadow minister for the abolition of gravity, said an extra-terrestrial landing port would be added to the castle.

There would also be arrival and departure lounges at Bingham and Collingham.

Mr Delves was joined in Newark this week by party leader Howling Laud Hope and their shadow minister of non-committed manifesto committments, RU Seerius.

Mr Delves, a serving parish councillor in Kirk Ireton, Derbyshire, said: “I am offering myself as the club mascot for Newark Town FC. I would cover myself in blue woad (dye).

“I will then change the kit to yellow and black stripes.”

Other policies include the addition of mercury potion, electrolysis, leeching and lobotomy wards at Newark Hospital.

Mr Delves said the party was getting “massive approval” in the town.

Howling Laud Hope, a town councillor in Fleet, Hampshire and former Mayor of Ashburton, Devon, said: “We have Hope, they have no hope.”

Other policies include introducing piranhas to the River Trent and encouraging people in Southwell to trade in shiny beads.


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